im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh
I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.
^^^^^ needed that
strive to be a person outside of the male gaze. be awesome. self aware. growth oriented. take no shit. be a BEAST, and if a man falls in line have him if not continue to be awesome.
because your life is not validated by how you are consumed and viewed by men. do not strive to be so easily….devoured by men.
never lose that zest for life. conquer anything in your path.
"Blacks who kill white are statiscally put to death most of all." - CNN
be grateful whatever your circumstances…
and rolling the idea around in my mind. tasting, prodding, being rude and an overall nuisance to the idea that there is possibly… if not probability that there is someone i want to learn about everyday for the rest of my life….I honestly get bored rather quickly, and if not bored maybe comfortable (comfortable sounds so much better, but its still the same shit. same stories, same handshakes -_- the worst) i think thats as romantic as i get (while i shouldnt short myself, i have a romantic side, but its often clouded by logic and real life) and i dont mean romantic as in a lovers’ moment, i mean romantic as in… hearts beating in harmony, thoughts in synch, friendship, mentorship, maybe love shit… but not necessarily so. A parent believes he has this with his child, another parent believes she has this with Jesus…. i wonder if i will ever have this. and with what or whom? thoughts?
you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
These corporations, if they were individual human beings, would be locked up for life. Instead, they continue raking in the big bucks. Human rights abuses, murder, war, eco disasters, and animal exploitation keep these evil companies raking in the green. Prepare to be disgusted.
I don’t think the list is in any particular order. Even if you don’t agree with all of them (eg. the cigarette company) most of them are legit horrible. I’m posting a summary but I recommend reading the full article: http://brainz.org/15-deadliest-us-corporations/
- Chevron : (then Texaco) discharged 18 billion gallons of toxic water into the rain forests of Ecuador without any remediation, destroying the livelihoods of local farmers and sickening indigenous populations. Chevron was responsible for the death of several Nigerians who protested the company’s polluting, exploiting presence in the Nigerian Delta. Chevron paid the local militia, known for its human rights abuses, to squash the protests, and even supplied them with choppers and boats. The military opened fire on the protesters, then burned their villages to the ground.
- DeBeers : was knowingly funding violent guerrilla movements in Angola, Sierra Nevada, and the Congo with its diamond purchases. In Botswana, DeBeers has been blamed for the “clearing” of land to be mined for diamonds — including the forcible removal of indigenous peoples who had lived there for thousands of years. The government allegedly cut off the tribe’s water supplies, threatened, tortured and even hanged resisters.
- Tyson : Even if you don’t care about the horrendous animal abuse that has been documented in Tyson’s factory farms, you have to flinch at Tyson’s appalling environmental abuses and workers’ rights violation- Tyson has allowed e coli tainted beef to enter the food supply. A recent study showed that Tyson’s chickens were the most salmonella-and-campylobactor filled poultry of all the major suppliers and has even been accused of human trafficking to supply themselves with cheap labor.
- Smith & Wesson : In a study of the top ten guns involved in crime in the U.S., the first was the Smith & Wesson .38 Special.
- Phillip Morris : is the largest manufacturer of cigarettes in the U.S.
- Haliburton : is a huge “oilfield services” company, profited big time from the U.S.’s invasion of Iraq when Cheney called in his boys to quell burning oil wells — and to “help” the Iraq oil ministry pump and distribute oil. Haliburton has also been implicated in countless oil spills, including the BP disaster of 2010.
- Coca Cola : corporation has wrought devastation in India, where its factories use up to one million liters of water per day, leaving tens of thousands of nearby residents dry during the drought months. Then the factories dispose of the wastewater improperly, contaminating whatever water is left. A lawsuit in 2001 accused Coca Cola of hiring paramilitaries in Columbia which suppressed unionization in the cola plant there through intimidation, torture and murder.
- Pfizer : the largest pharmaceutical corporation in the U.S., pleaded guilty in 2009 to the largest health care fraud in U.S. history. Pfizer decided to use Nigerian children as guinea pigs. In 1996, Pfizer traveled to Kano, Nigeria to try out an experimental antibiotic on third-world diseases such as measles, cholera, and bacterial meningitis. They gave trovafloxacin to approximately 200 children. Dozens of them died in the experiment, while many others developed mental and physical deformities. According to the EPA, Pfizer can also proudly claim to be among the top ten companies in America causing the most air pollution.
- ExxonMobil : is perhaps best known for the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill which resulted in 11 million gallons of oil contaminating Prince William Sound. But they have also been responsible for a huge oil spill in Brooklyn and for aiding in the decline of Russia’s critically endangered grey whale because of drilling in its habitat. The Political Economy Research Institute ranks ExxonMobil sixth among corporations emitting airborne pollutants in the United States.
- Caterpillar : supplies the Israeli army with bulldozers which are used to demolish Palestinian homes — sometimes with the people still inside. In 2003 a Caterpillar bulldozer ran over and killed Rachel Corrie, an American protesting in Gaza who stood in front of the tractor to prevent the destruction of a Palestinian home.
- Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Baily : “The Cruelest Show on Earth” is famous for its abuse of wild animals.
- Monsanto : Monsanto’s list of evils includes creating the “terminator” seed which creates plants which never fruit or flower so that farmers must purchase them anew yearly, lobbying to have “hormone-free” labels removed from the labels of milk and infant milk replacer (through bovine growth hormone is believed to be a cancer-accelerator) as well as a wide range of environmental and human health violations associated with use of Monsanto’s poisons — most notably “Agent Orange.”
- Nestle : crimes against man and nature include massive deforestation in Borneo — the habitat of the critically endangered orangutan — to grow palm oil, and buying milk from farms illegally-seized by a despot in Zimbabwe. Nestle attracted worldwide boycott efforts for urging mothers in third-world countries to use their infant milk replacer instead of breastfeeding, without warning them of the possible negative effects. Supposedly, Nestle hired women to dress as nurses to hand out free infant formula, which was frequently mixed with contaminated water, or the children starved when the formula ran out and their mothers could not afford more and their breast milk had already dried up from disuse.
- British Petroleum : Who can forget 2010’s oil rig explosion in the Gulf Coast which killed 11 workers and thousands of birds, sea turtles, dolphins and other animals, effectively destroying the fishing and tourism industry in the region? This was not BP’s first crime against nature. In fact, between January 1997 and March 1998, BP was responsible for a whopping 104 oil spills.
- Dyncorp : is best known for its brutality in impoverished countries, for trafficking in child sex slaves, for slaughtering civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan, and for training rebels in Haiti. This privatized military company is often hired by the U.S. government to protect American interests overseas — and so the government can claim no responsibility for Dyncorp’s actions.
So I’ve been home, I’ve been out to dinner around my lush prophytes ((a joke) but we all know every joke is rooted in the truth) and I’ve only had one slip up. My family is chock full of drinkers, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.
It’s an annoyance at this point. I want to be able to do what I want to, but I’ve committed to this purity fast/cleanse/whatever you need to call it. I’ve figured out a couple of things, come to terms with a couple of things, and I feel like I still need to achieve more. I feel invigorated at times, and at times I wish that I didn’t need to do this, but we all must reach outside of our comfort zone to achieve growth.
I’m not big on repeating what I’m fasting from, I know some people have advised me to do so, but I’m not. I’m not ashamed of it, it’s simply that…. I don’t know if the reason why I am on this journey is as important as the journey itself. Does it matter why I’ve expelled these things out of my life? Does it matter what they are? Or are the lessons learned overwhelmingly more important…. Yea. That’s got to be it. I mean fuck it, I’m in it for the lessons. Not for the kudos, acknowledgements, the questions or anything even close to those mentioned. I am in it to become a better person, to add greater purpose to my purpose driven life. I must note that if you want to know what I’m fasting from, just look for my other blog posts, preferably the first one.
But I digress.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned all over again is how to say no. Saying no to what I want when it isn’t good for me is a great thing. Lord knows I’ve said yes to too many things because it’s what I want as opposed to what I need. I’m relearning how to be sensual and hold off on the sexual (it’s an art as well as a balancing act), I’m becoming active again, and overall I don’t regret this experience. With all the good and growth in all of this why wouldn’t I continue?
Yesterday at the club I drank 3 bottles of water…. Was it a struggle? Yes, did I pass the test? WITH FLYING MUTHA*bleep*ING COLORS. It’s the little things that keep me going lol.
An added bonus about this is that others are now following suit. It’s nice coming from people who, like I, indulge quite heavily in what WE (how beautiful that I has turned to WE) are now cleansing/fasting from. How wonderful and fulfilling to see others take control and charge of the things that once seemed necessary that we can now deem as wants. I am on the path of needs.
I’m trying to decide if I’m going to do this everyday, every other day, or weekly. Or I could just update when I feel like I have something to update, because lets face it, I’m just not that interesting nor profound to get all up on tumblr and spit knowledge and shit. So instead I think I will do a midday post, and a recap of the following day…. Until that doesn’t work for me anymore and then it will be another format, but I’ll keep you updated. Promise.
Day 2 was a breeze. I was still high off the sense of accomplishment from surviving Day 1 and the tests that the Universe threw at me. Day 3 though? Oh dear, Day 3 started off fine, but it kind of wobbled when I needed it to be stable. A simple text message pulled at my heart strings. It was completely unrelated to the person, but the idea mentioned splished and splashed all through me. Noisy and clumsy. Bumping into all sorts of shit and waking everything else up. All of a sudden I’m feeling 5 different emotions, strongly. And this was at 9AM.
See the thing is I’ve noticed that when you begin to remove the things that you once used or turned to, to answer or call certain emotions, you begin to expect and respect those things. I’ve trained my body, mind, and heart to react a certain way in the presence of the things I am abstaining from. So, now, it feels as if I can’t feel a certain way without those things. Moreover it feels insane when I feel a certain way in the absence of those things. Since I am no longer participating in those things, and I begin to feel a certain way, or want to feel a certain way but I have no way to call my emotions, I become incensed. It becomes somewhat overwhelming…. like going from high noon to midnight in a blink of an eye….
I consider myself a sensual person (which isn’t the same as sexual, although I am not denying that just pointing that out). I am someone who has never had a problem with finding the beauty in interaction between two people. I’ve can always see the beauty and rawness in nudity, or flirting, or touching….. but that has since morphed into sexuality. Something that at one point was separate now became one…What was I doing before I partook in the things I am abstaining from? Was I more complete as a person? Was I more capable?
But this is part of the search, part of the journey.
So, lol as I am being assaulted by the absolute cacophony of emotions, thoughts and actions. The confusion, the uncertainty, has been replaced by the feeling of absolute resolve. How truly wonderful it was when I realized, oh yea, I have resolve. My stubborn streak will not allow me to let the disorientation of this experience throw me from my path. I still feel like I need to find what I am searching for. I am still committed. And while I tore up old cards, threw out jewelry, and burned some sage around my apartment lol, I decided that maybe this was just on time. You’ve got to try something new to get something new. Because lets face it, if you always do what you’ve already done then you will always get what you already have. Thoughts?